Written by Kayla Winkler

It took my mom years to get her first tattoo. Once she had one, she always wanted more. I never had the intention of wanting matching tattoos with someone, but my momma is someone I would easily make an exception for. She was fighting a plethora of health issues so we always worried about when she would be able to get tattoos in a safe enough timeline that her body would allow it to heal.

Unfortunately, that day didn't come. We were supposed to get each other's handwriting. I was going to write out "I love you" for her to get tattooed, and she was to write out "I love you more" for me. Since we never got to a point where we were going to go, we never wrote them out for each other. Thankfully, this letter I've held on to since I was 15 had her love written all over it. 

It was a rough Christmas for my family that year. Finances were tight and my parents were insecure that we couldn't receive all of the gifts they thought we deserved. My mom took time out of her days to write a handwritten letter to myself and my two brothers. I kept this letter in a drawer just to look back on from time to time. A little reminder that if I ever felt like the world was against me, my mom was always there to be my biggest fan. She signed off on this letter with "All my love, Mom oxoxox" and as I re-read that over and over since her passing, I knew this was my opportunity to still get part of our matching tattoos. And I get to keep a part of her with me with the tattoo, which I find to be extra special. 

Life has been so different without her. I feel her around from time to time. It's been a struggle to adapt to so many aspects of life without her. I can't text or call her with good or bad news. I can't go over and just be in her presence while I can visit with my family dogs. Family gatherings feel like something is missing. When something is funny, I can still hear her loud laugh. The sun hasn't been shining as bright but I'm thankful to live each day with someone watching over me. 

We would constantly fight about who loved the other more, usually ending with "love you the most" and the other saying "not possible". Oh, it's possible, and I love her the most. 

Until we meet again, my momma!